Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
