i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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