A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
