____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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