I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
