U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
