I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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