i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
