I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
