So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
