I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
