Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
