I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize