her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize