I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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