Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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