hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
