It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
