My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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