So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
