i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
