i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
vagina is talking i cant
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
