I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
