I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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