You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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