i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
and she was petting her beer can
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
