Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
