be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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