Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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