CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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