i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
