I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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