I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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