I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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