well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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