she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
