I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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