literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
