using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Someone shit on the floor
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
