I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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