I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
