I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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