Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
