shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm having to shit out rocks
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