I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
