Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
