and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
