i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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