I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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