So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
this is an emotional support booty call
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
