I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
