This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
