So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am midnight drunk by noon
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize