I wanna passion pit in your ass
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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