before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
