Kareoke will never be a sober sport
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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