I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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