So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize