Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
