she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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