I wish you could order shots online.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
