so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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