been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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