she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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