It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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